Blogs are for keeping logs online, right?
So a few years ago I had the idea to post a monthly log of everything I work on. Inevitably I forgot about that before I was even done with the first one. But since I’ve found some drafts now, I thought I’d compile them in one post and publish it when I find it again some years later. If you see this, here’s a count of how many times I’ve looked at this draft: 11.
2nd of October 2016
Back in September I got a bit bored of mastering and trying to finish songs, so I did the most sensible thing a person with about 100 unfinished songs could do and started an entire new album. A Glitch-Hop album. And 2006 style Dubstep. And DnB from around that age as well. So this is new. I didn't think I'd ever work with these styles, but you know how it is, it all starts with a trance arp that sounds better in a Glitch-Hop track, and then there's the fact that I started listening to Dubstep again, and things just spiral from there. Know what I'm saying?
9th of June 2019
Fuck CGI. I said that back in February, but now I’ve got it in the log. I spent the entire winter (well, two or ten actual working days) editing the second part of the KSP machinima, which led to the terrible idea of adding CGI to it. It’s probably released by the time this post goes live, so isn’t that reentry effect just lovely? Oh, and the sparks and explosions and stuff! And you can’t even see the world glitching out in half of the frames anymore, wow! I just hope I didn’t decide to add waves to the ocean, that would be editing hell.
I’m also writing a Star Trek series, set way into the future and out of the way of everything so I don’t have to deal with canon conflicts. So far I’ve spent most of my time fixing scenes that contradict canon. Seriously, how did this show spend so much time in other galaxies and timelines? It’s impossible to avoid fucking with some plot at this point.
I suppose that late night drawing is also new for this post. *link* The thing I learnt from that is, it really doesn’t matter what you draw, as long as you draw anything, it will improve your drawing. The difference between this and my first attempt at a portrait—if you can call a square with eyes a portrait—is massive, and all I drew between the two of them were a bunch of random shapeless doodles. Seriously, if you want to learn to draw, just draw anything, a lot. It’s the best way to improve, and the skill will apply to anything you may wish to draw.
Also, I changed my quotes and apostrophes from straight to fancy curvy ones since last time, I just noticed. Yes, it’s all part of my writing wannabe career. I’ve also got a million dashes on one key, and a bunch of other custom changes to my keyboard layout, because who doesn’t want to make their keyboard a mystery to strangers while rendering themselves incapable of using any random keyboard?
In other news, I beat the Factorio 90–minute train challenge! Well, just about, but I’m still chuffed with myself. You can see the video *here*. It also features me replying to bots in the comments. As for the sound quality during gameplay, let’s just say I forgot my mic behind me, facing a fan. No amount of filtering can fix that.
Oh and also something about music. I kinda forgot about music lately. Still made a few adjustments and additions to old projects, but I’ve mostly been focusing on other stuff.
...and did I mention I built and programmed an actual working robot? This was back in 2017. It was a piece of shit, but it worked! Mostly! Well, it was moving all its movable bits. But it somehow got 1st place in the city, so yay!
18th of Nineteenth 2020
With an entire pandemic of free time to go, you would’ve thought one would spend more time on personal projects, innit? You’d really fucking think so. I’ll be honest, I’m quite amazed how quickly the last two years zoomed by despite constantly feeling like they’ve lasted a decade. Still, could’ve been worse. Well, I’ve blinked and two years have passed, and ADHD has never been happier running wild and free, but we survived. Some of us.
and maybe it might even end.
some day
So I got a proper job, eh? I’m an actual published writer now! Well, ghostwriter. For academic papers. An actual hired published writer! ...for about five months before the pandemic put a stop to everything. Quite nice, it was. 10/10 would do again. I’ve even gotten back into making music now, after I got my jabs. I’ve realised I’ve quite lost my touch on music theory and playing instruments. But I gained superpowers from Pfizer and figured out everything about black holes and photons, so that was worth it. Nevermind the timeskip. Intfics kept us going through the worst of it, I suppose, and we got so lost in our twitter stories that we didn’t even notice we’ve skipped across the years like Discovery on mushrooms. Now all we need is a red angel to take us out of 2020 already, cause we’ve reached the 19th month and I’m starting to doubt this groundhog year has an end.
But Bo Burnham’s Inside was great tho, innit? Ahh! Ahh. Ah...
4th of Thirtieth 2020
It has been. Thirty months since this shit started. We are beyond the beyond at this point. But never mind the past, time is no longer. So I found an article I wrote last year about a rail modelling event from 2018. I said never mind the past. But it’s going out tomorrow. (check it!) Cause fuck it, eh? If I extend this mindset to my main projects y’all are boutta get dozens of half-finished music albums. I probably won’t though, and they’ll still be another thirty years in the making. Until the soonest one, at least.
I’ve got a song, actually. Nice swanky jazzy one. As a sort of one-day project. Yeah you guessed it, that’s not happening either, it’s been sitting there for months now. Maybe, idk, time is no longer. But it’s there. And I no longer have any idea how to do it after the initial bout of having the entire full picture, that ofc is no longer looking like an immediately achievable goal. Did I mention the EP before that, with three tracks in it? I mean one’s almost done, just some vocals left. The second is stuck in the far-too-complex-to-figure-out loop. The third is not even started, might swap it around with another track from Level UP Book II, which I eventually went ‘fuck it’ with and sent to Veela just to check if that’s even gonna be a possibility. It was, but not happening yet. That one’s literally finished, just abandoned mid-mastering. So yeah. I got a full-time job now too.
As a game tester. So that’s eating away my entire life and non-existent energy right now. Ooh-wee. This year has really rotten my being hasn‘t it xD. Oh well. Heh, I actually claimed just a few weeks before getting the job that ‘I don’t think I actually like games anymore.’ It wasn’t such a bad timing after all though. Helps that I’m not working on any games I would actually like, this job literally ruins any game with how broken of a state they’re in. And, you know, it being a reptitive mundane job. Quite good at it though, so that’s a thing. Yeah. Anyway. Time is no longer. Something something the birds work for the bourgeaussioussies or whatever the cunts are up to these days. Fallouts and shit, it seems. Time is no longer, see you on the Fiftieth. Probably. I’ll go deliriously and ravenously plunge into desperate art-making instead of sleeping between work shifts cause jesus christ I need the juice. Ta-ra.
11th of Thirty-sixth 2020
So Fallout innit! Idk, I just read what I wrote before. Actually been playing some Fallout 4 recently. Or, months ago. God even knows anymore. I think I got a new PC since last time, finally that upgrade I’ve been raving on about since 2013. Didn’t even take a decade. So yeah, Zora’s lovely. Goes by no pronouns, just like Sasha. Runs Windows 10 so that ended up biting my arse a lot. Seriously, this fucking OS is an absolute menace. It’s amazing the contrast between how chirpy Zora sounds and how absolutely dreadful and stubborn Win10 is to customise. Yes of course I allow my computers to develop a personality on their own, why else would we have machine learning?
So Fallout was fun. Not really tho, actually, cause I kept fucking with mods. I just wanted to enjoy some TARDIS adventures, you know? My favourite part about Fallout New Vegas was flying around in the TARDIS and just ending up in the middle of quests, basically working them out backwards. It’s super fun and interesting how they work, and honestly that was the most Doctor Who experience in any game. So naturally I tried that with Fallout 4 too, and Survival mode on top of it cause that will surely work great with the TARDIS providing everything, right? Actually give a reason to having a mobile base, right? ...righ—eh. Right. Fuck Survival. I spent the first ten hours randomly losing half of my HP every twenty seconds cause of fucking diseases and no way to cure them, as I was looking for the cocking TARDIS only to realise it didn’t actually spawn in, and then spent two whole 24h days troubleshooting why only to realise it wasn’t even the fault of my fucking mods not gelling well together, it was literally just pure random chance and timing of how you grab the initial item that unlocks the mod, cause if you leave the basement too early or too late or open the pipboy wrong or god knows what else, the quest just doesn’t start, and you have to reload the save to grab the item again. I was ten hours past that. And ofc copying the character’s appearance with another mod between saves, breaks those saves too, so ugh.
Got it working eventually. Yay. The TARDIS isn’t complete and requires you to go through high level areas to slowly grab parts. Right. This isn’t a mod to start the game with, it’s for after you finished the game. Cool. Saints Row best fucking game.
Like, the new one.
No genuinely! It’s fucking wonderful. It’s almost as good as Saints Row 2. Almost. Wait no where are you leaving!—
Like obviously it’s missing a lot. You can’t grab random objects. Or, people, or whatever else you could grab in SR2, basically anything that fits within the span of your arms. There’s virtually no building interiors, bar for those godawful 2D ones that make rooms look like they begin 50 metres underground and shoot up into the sky. Stores barely have the one room, nothing interactable. Obviously it’s a buggy mess that crashes randomly every two hours, except no it doesn’t even do that because you have to reboot the game manually yourself if you want NPCs to reappear and quests to trigger or customisation menus to close cause you scrolled a *bit* too much and now every button is stuck. Just, ok, it has many problems. Like a fuckload. Mainly things just ceasing to load. Like all things, even UI. But you know what? I fucking love it. It’s the best fucking game. I love the characters, I love the gameplay mechanics, I love the city, I love that it’s literally the most non-binary trans-inclusive AAA title to ever exist, everyone calls you ‘they’ and you can look literally however the fuck you want, like—actually you know what, I’ll copy a message here, I’ll share with you something I literally told my friend on release, hang on:
Literally, the fact that in 2006 SR2 was the queerest fucking game
Like somehow did even better than the Sims for transness
Like I'm pretty sure it was the first big title to go 'what if we just don't put gender at all in the character customisation?'
'like just fuck it here's a slider for shoulders, here's a slider for chest, here's a slider for waist, here's one for hips, and here's one for crotch bulge, fuck it, have fun doing whatever body shape you want'
And I wouldn't be surprised if even the very first Saints Row had that
'outfits? What fucking outfits? One model fits all, wear whatever the cunt you want!'
'voice? Yes, fuck it, why not, here's eight fun voices with different accents, mix em up any way you like. Oh and here's shiny chrome and drippy green goo as skin tones too cause who the fuck gives a shit, have the whole rgb selector on literally everything, you don't even have to be human'
'wanna play as a literal toilet seat or a tornado? Go the fuck right ahead no one's gonna stop you!'
Yes it's a shooty shooty bang bang sandbox about gang wars that's secretly a story about friendship, but you know what? That just makes the whole thing even more amazing and impressive that it exists in the first place this fucking queerly
Yes I fucking know people who worked on it, but everyone hated it, that’s definitely not gonna influence me here. I’m like the only fucking cunt on this planet who loves this new one and I’m perfectly aware of it, no need to be bribed into giving positive reviews. Also who would believe being on holiday actually helps with not feeling dead anymore. Still no time though, it’s been four weeks and I only put on my Vive about twice and added like one extra note to a few songs. Yeah I’m completely crumbling away into the concept of time and my doctor said my bones are floppy, but at least I’m having fun whilst doing it. Life is good. Work is never getting finished. I can’t wait for the ten year anniversary of the 22nd of May to come around and surprise me. Also I got into fragrances now. After a lifetime of hating perfumes. Actually found some I love. Super weird ones, but I’m feeling way more feminine. Now how dolled up do I need to get before some cunt just assumes ‘she’ when referring to me? Oh and don’t even get me fucking started on how the VST industry fucked me off, I ranted enough on Twitter about that earlier last month. And something about getting hacked, that was fun, considering all my over-the-top security practices. Oh and TIDAL is really good, please support your favourite artists by streaming their music there. Or, you know, just straight up buying it. Anyway, yes, I’m rushing to mention everything at the end here. Whatever. Happy Thirty-sixth, I hope you’re all having a blast. Okay byyeeeee
28th of Thirty-sixth 2020
I have slept 4 hours this week. In total. It is currently a Wednesday night. If you’re wondering how well my transition back from holiday to work is going.
Anecdotally, I like how this post is full of just loads of little big changes going on in the background that I completely miss cause they’re already constants in my life at the point of writing. And just overall me getting more and more gender as these go on.
8th of Thirty-ninth 2020
So women's day it is then. I wasn't expecting to be so seen today. I especially wasn't expecting anything cause I didn't even know it's today, the leads just spawned in front of me handing a flower and chocolate to every woman in the office. And then they got upset at HR when they found out that they completely glossed over me cause all they know about me is legally registered data. I knew everyone accepts me, I didn't realise they all confidently know and see me as a woman. I cried, it was lovely, I didn't know I needed this.
16th of Fourty-first 2020
I’m boutta release a dozen half-finished music albums and the final remains of the EPG project. That is all. Enjoy.
Pre-order Lost Signals now on Bandcamp, officially out on the 22nd of May 2023, or wait for streaming services to get it live in like a month. I’ll go resume my 30-hour art-making workdays for the ensuing two weeks of vacation and be super gender in the meanwhile. 2020 is finally coming to a fucking end, lick my cocking clit you bollocky cunt muncher of a year!
